The Road to being 23

Its a Monday Exam morning, I have yawned like five times already. I am still staring at the books scattered all over my carpet. 'Dear Lord, do not let my efforts be in vain' I pray under my breath.

I am tired, so I close my eyes again but open them again within seconds, I still have six hours more to rest my bones before day breaks. I think of calling mom, but then I am scared she will think something is wrong for me to have called her this late, my mom is like that. I change my mind and roll in bed.

My head still aches, and I think my eyes are still swollen too. It is tears and sleepless night that has made it this way. I think I worry a lot, I think I have piled up so much worry my age can carry, don't blame me, this is the world I found myself.

(Well, lemme gist you, I just finished eating a plate of emergency jollof rice, these days I get hungry so easily, this my hunger issue is beginning to frighten me. I am fat enough biko!)

I should graduate next year, hopefully things will get better before then.

I should graduate with a good result too, and get a good job plus beta investments and become chartered before 28 meets me. I want to be chartered, and publish a book too and stop worrying too much about issues, and for once in my life live a burden free life.

See, when I think about my 23rd birthday next month, I shiver under my skin but manage to wear a straight face and all smiles pretending 23 is the new 13. Mtcheeeew, getting old scares me. (I still want to remain 22 😭😭😭).
In as much as I want to build a home and a family and go over to the new stage of life, the new stage frightens me even more. Like, who will I end up with?. That line, it tickles me.

I know I worry too much for my age, but then I can't help it. I didn't grow up having a silver spoon, even the rubber spoon pesin get sef, there's still someone out there who still derives pleasure dragging the spoon with you, I jus tire. (Well, my mind is telling me that spoon is spoon so far it puts food in your mouth, so even if someone takes your rubber spoon, my dear use your hand, you dinnor come to this world to come and go and suffer).

Looking back seven years ago, I should have graduated at 21, got married at 23, yes, that was the life plan of a 15 year old girl, fresh from secondary school. I wasn't naïve, I understood what I really wanted for myself, so I made a plan, a plan for my future.

My plan didn't go as planned, I got admitted into school to pursue a five year programme at 19 Haven stayed home for four years, I am still on that track at 23.  See, it doesn't worry me too much, but I know I would have been happier if things went my way at 15.

I'm sorry sometimes I get like this, but sometimes I need a place to bare my heart and tell my story, a place to let the whole world know that  one might have a beautiful face but there's a whole lot to tell  behind the face that wears it.

Today I am all soft, I want to toss again and change the position of my head, but I think I have no strength for that, so I remain and continue typing this.

Baby sis has asked me what I want for my birthday, I've told her not to empty her account, poor geh, she has spoilt me so much I no longer remember who the big sis is again. But then, it doesn't feel so bad being treated as a baby right?

For my birthday, I know my brother will sponsor the menu-menu, I'll make him. I know daddy will create time to take me for driving lessons, I know my dad. And my mum, trust her, nah prayer she go take wake me up. My family is like that. Also, I know a couple of friends and family who would stay up till 12 to wish me a happy birthday, yeah, dem follow for the people I see as fam.

So here, I'm making a 23 things about me list, so here we go;

1. Oh well, I'll be 23 on the 13th of October.
2. I am actually 5.5" tall.
3. I write better than I talk, I develop cold feet in a crowd.
4. I am a complete introvert, yes I have a certificate for that.
5. I get easily affected by what you tell me, yes, I am emotional.
6. My colours are white (favourite), then blue and black.
7. Hehehehe I am an Arsenal fan. Sorry.
8. I almost killed myself once, not intentionally.
9. I have jumped from a storey building. I am agbero laidat.
10. I HATE honey ooooo. That thing taste like poison.
11. I don't like okro soup except there's meat inside.
12. I love ballerina shoes, a lot.
13. I love to sing, just give me echoes.
14. I am so proud of OUR hair.
15. I like trying stuffs; from baking to sewing, to taking some financial risk and all that.
16. If I have, I'll spoil you.
17. I do not have best food, so far the food is sweet, no problem.
18. Don't raise your voice at me, abeg.
19. I love to play the game X and O .
20. I don tire oooo, wetin remain?
21. I am human, there are some stories I feel ashamed to tell, so I'll leave you to figure out in 22;
22. .....................................................
23. I am scared of being 23

I have an Advanced Financial Accounting to write this morning, but I am still unsure if the exam is still holding, but we still have to prepare for an exam we don't know if we're writing today, my country Nigeria, I hail thee.