My name is MONICA and I STAMMER

'Stammerers always have something to say, they just need more than enough time to say it'

I had asked Mum why I stammer, why I had to always struggle to say 'good morning' without having to stamp my feet on the ground or beat my laps with my palm, why I repeatedly repeat and stumble over words, why reading in public was difficult, why answering simple questions was war and participating in debate sessions was more like living in hell. At every question I did ask Mum, she'd tell me I was okay, that all I needed was enough time to adapt and find a strategy.

I had two friends back then in basic school; Memuna and Lauren. They both had their usefulness. Memuna was to answer for me when Miss Angie called the roll-call and Lauren was always ready to defend me at every argument. The day Memuna was down with fever and lauren with chicken pox, I was presently marked absent, and through out that day in school I made no comments and no effort to speak.

At debate sessions, I watched my other classmates gesticulate on the podium, I watched how the audience clapped and cheered at their lines and at times, pointless points. I so much wanted to be on that podium too, but one thing always pinned me down. I stammer. I would imagine the sneer on the faces of my audience while they wait for me to pronounce my name, then say my level and present my topic.

I had imagined them yelling at me and coming forward to throw me off the podium. The thought of what they could do to me was heart-tearing, so public speaking and debating was never an option on my tick box.

When I clocked fifteen, Memuna advised I went into a relationship, she said I needed love, that I needed to be with someone who cared about me 'personally'. I would roll my eyes and hiss at her every statement. 'Who...who... would date a stam...stammerer?' I would always ask her.

Memuna said she could help me stop stuttering, she would teach me a new trick, but first I needed to help myself. 'The funny thing is, at one point in our lives, everyone has stammered.' Memuna began 'But the truth is you have to find your strategy, that's the only way you can overcome it'.

My name is Monica and I don't stammer!