My name is MONICA and I STAMMER

'Stammerers always have something to say, they just need more than enough time to say it'

I had asked Mum why I stammer, why I had to always struggle to say 'good morning' without having to stamp my feet on the ground or beat my laps with my palm, why I repeatedly repeat and stumble over words, why reading in public was difficult, why answering simple questions was war and participating in debate sessions was more like living in hell. At every question I did ask Mum, she'd tell me I was okay, that all I needed was enough time to adapt and find a strategy.

I had two friends back then in basic school; Memuna and Lauren. They both had their usefulness. Memuna was to answer for me when Miss Angie called the roll-call and Lauren was always ready to defend me at every argument. The day Memuna was down with fever and lauren with chicken pox, I was presently marked absent, and through out that day in school I made no comments and no effort to speak.

At debate sessions, I watched my other classmates gesticulate on the podium, I watched how the audience clapped and cheered at their lines and at times, pointless points. I so much wanted to be on that podium too, but one thing always pinned me down. I stammer. I would imagine the sneer on the faces of my audience while they wait for me to pronounce my name, then say my level and present my topic.

I had imagined them yelling at me and coming forward to throw me off the podium. The thought of what they could do to me was heart-tearing, so public speaking and debating was never an option on my tick box.

When I clocked fifteen, Memuna advised I went into a relationship, she said I needed love, that I needed to be with someone who cared about me 'personally'. I would roll my eyes and hiss at her every statement. 'Who...who... would date a stam...stammerer?' I would always ask her.

Memuna said she could help me stop stuttering, she would teach me a new trick, but first I needed to help myself. 'The funny thing is, at one point in our lives, everyone has stammered.' Memuna began 'But the truth is you have to find your strategy, that's the only way you can overcome it'.

My name is Monica and I don't stammer!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Birthday Butterflies

 It's few weeks to my birthday, and I've got butterflies in my tummy. I know, I understand this feeling, it happens, at everytime my birthday came running. I remember I use to write stuff a day before my day, a recount of what the year had been for me, outlining my good and bad times, putting into words my beautiful moments and sometimes, just crying half way through... (Sneak peek: never keep a diary if all you record is your sad moments) Phew! The feeling of getting older is real, mixed feelings here and there, anxiety, sober reflections, and yunno, thinking about things I didn't get in the end. Today, I'm penning down my thoughts, I want to talk about a few things, how getting old feels to me, but again, I have tears tingling in my eyes, because, somehow, I have lost out on a lot of things, things I wish I had... Life just makes you feel unsatisfied, but I have learned to be contented, and bask in the euphoria that I can't have everything I wish for, not to sound
Read more

Something to Rant about (Don't break true friendship)

This is for my friend Pharez 😢 I lost Pharez sometime between February and March. I didn't find out about his death till December. And when I found out he died, I couldn't fight back tears, where was I all through the months that passed by. What was I doing, did I stop caring or did I not care at all? Pharez and I shared four years of friendship. He always reached out to me, ALWAYS. Wanting to know how I was faring, if I was okay, if I needed help on something, he was everything a true friend should be. He cared so much his brother thought we had something going on between us, but no, we were just friends, just good friends. I got a nick name too, AdaPharez. The last time I lost contact with him, he had left the country to somewhere not too far away, can't remember the country now, so his lines weren't going through. When he came back, he reached out to me, told me he travelled and needed some alone time to fix things, I understood, we all need some alone time so
Read more

What I think of Feminism when I'm alone

 When I tell people I am not a 'feminist', they go 'you can't be serious' on me 😂. I have a very small circle, my circle knows how much I try to work hard and try many other stuffs too. So with that, the 'she must be a feminist' becomes the line on everyone's lips. I. Am. Not. A. Feminist. I am first human before anything else, and I've grown into the understanding that I have a right to my choice, not yours or any others but mine, my own choice. Right to make my own decisions and live by them. I am a woman who will gun for everything that pleases her. How people see this as being a feministic nature is something I don't understand. I understand women have been put in places where they shouldn't be, that we have been placed below the belt, that our strength has been undermined and our lights dimmed because we are women. I also understand that the surrounding in which I am raised see's women as weaker vessels, that we shouldn&
Read more