Live for Others
Yesterday I had this irking feeling to go drown myself in the nearest lagoon, no I wasn't depressed, there seemed to be more solace in drowning, there seemed to be more peace and comfort, so on my own, I decided to do it, you know just end it all and start over in the new world. If ever there was.
So tonight I waited, I waited till everyone was in bed, then tucked my pillow so well it looked really like me covered in my blanket. I knew mother would come check me later, she always does that to all of us, all five of us.
It was exactly 12:04am when I successfully climbed over our fence, Dauda our guard was so deep he didn't hear me kick over his torchlight that came rolling over down to the other end of the compound... With all that noise, he didn't Fletch.
'Foolish man!' I muttered 'So this is how you've been guarding this house'.
I walked few meters away from the house and kept encouraging myself that I was doing the right thing, death was the only solace in my case. No I wasn't going to die, I was going to be born again in another world, to a different family and start a new life all over again.
Daddy went away, 15years now.
Mother has stroke, terribly bad one.
Chioma has HIV, and she is pregnant.
My three other brother's, oh well, I don't know, we are brothers but 'no be the same papa born us'.
I struggled to keep up with the dark, I walked faster and my heart pounded even more, I was anxious. It wasn't long when I arrived at the lagoon, and all I could do was take a deep breath, adjusted my neck a little bit to the left and plunged in before the Angel of God could stop me.
Half way into my dive, I heard the Devil laugh and said 'Welcome my child, welcome to the peace of Hell'.
Then, I wished I could run back, like rewind the last 3seconds and see myself still standing at the pavement, telling myself that death wasn't an option, that living was the way out of being dead, but I guess I was just 3seconds late.
My memories came playing in my face, my mum, despite her health condition would struggle to come check on me every single night.
My sister Chioma, even being positive to HIV and pregnant too always made sure to cook and ensure we had the meals we wanted.
My brothers, Nonso, Ebube and Lance didn't care we had different fathers, they were always there for me even after my being rusticated from school...
God why would I want to die?
If I kill myself then I am a serial killer, my death would kill what is left of my family. How would I ever repay them for all the good they've done?
But no, I was too late, I was in the water already, I was never a good swimmer and so deeper and deeper I went...
"Hay God my pikin ooooo". I recognised that voice, that was Ma.
"Pour wota! Pour wota!" Yeah, that was Lance.
"O boi wake o, abeg wake" Ebube was shaking the hell out of me.
I think Nonso was the one with the water.
I could hear my sister's voice wailing in the background "Chisom don leave us go, hay Chineke!"
I needed to find out what was going on, so I started out by opening an eye. To be sure I wasn't a ghost I bit my lips so had I let out a loud scream that caught the attention of my family.
Yes I was alive.
There was Ma, struggling to rub my head with her effective hand and letting out tears of joy, Lance and Ebube gave me this tight hug, and Nonso stood there looking at me before he bursted out, "No dey play this kain play again o biko."
So I let the tears flow, I let it out so much my family confused it for something else. There is joy in living. I looked at Ma and gave her a warm hug, there's nothing like family, thank God it was just a dream.
Moral: if you can't live for yourself, live for others who care about you.
So tonight I waited, I waited till everyone was in bed, then tucked my pillow so well it looked really like me covered in my blanket. I knew mother would come check me later, she always does that to all of us, all five of us.
It was exactly 12:04am when I successfully climbed over our fence, Dauda our guard was so deep he didn't hear me kick over his torchlight that came rolling over down to the other end of the compound... With all that noise, he didn't Fletch.
'Foolish man!' I muttered 'So this is how you've been guarding this house'.
I walked few meters away from the house and kept encouraging myself that I was doing the right thing, death was the only solace in my case. No I wasn't going to die, I was going to be born again in another world, to a different family and start a new life all over again.
Daddy went away, 15years now.
Mother has stroke, terribly bad one.
Chioma has HIV, and she is pregnant.
My three other brother's, oh well, I don't know, we are brothers but 'no be the same papa born us'.
I struggled to keep up with the dark, I walked faster and my heart pounded even more, I was anxious. It wasn't long when I arrived at the lagoon, and all I could do was take a deep breath, adjusted my neck a little bit to the left and plunged in before the Angel of God could stop me.
Half way into my dive, I heard the Devil laugh and said 'Welcome my child, welcome to the peace of Hell'.
Then, I wished I could run back, like rewind the last 3seconds and see myself still standing at the pavement, telling myself that death wasn't an option, that living was the way out of being dead, but I guess I was just 3seconds late.
My memories came playing in my face, my mum, despite her health condition would struggle to come check on me every single night.
My sister Chioma, even being positive to HIV and pregnant too always made sure to cook and ensure we had the meals we wanted.
My brothers, Nonso, Ebube and Lance didn't care we had different fathers, they were always there for me even after my being rusticated from school...
God why would I want to die?
If I kill myself then I am a serial killer, my death would kill what is left of my family. How would I ever repay them for all the good they've done?
But no, I was too late, I was in the water already, I was never a good swimmer and so deeper and deeper I went...
"Hay God my pikin ooooo". I recognised that voice, that was Ma.
"Pour wota! Pour wota!" Yeah, that was Lance.
"O boi wake o, abeg wake" Ebube was shaking the hell out of me.
I think Nonso was the one with the water.
I could hear my sister's voice wailing in the background "Chisom don leave us go, hay Chineke!"
I needed to find out what was going on, so I started out by opening an eye. To be sure I wasn't a ghost I bit my lips so had I let out a loud scream that caught the attention of my family.
Yes I was alive.
There was Ma, struggling to rub my head with her effective hand and letting out tears of joy, Lance and Ebube gave me this tight hug, and Nonso stood there looking at me before he bursted out, "No dey play this kain play again o biko."
So I let the tears flow, I let it out so much my family confused it for something else. There is joy in living. I looked at Ma and gave her a warm hug, there's nothing like family, thank God it was just a dream.
Moral: if you can't live for yourself, live for others who care about you.
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