Being Nigerian

Before now, it was easy to tell who a thief or a pick pocket was. You could tell from their dressing, unkempt hair styles, the way they look at you with one kain eye, you could even point out to those guys seated under the bridge to be thieves, it was so easy.

But today, the system has changed. It isn't as easy as it used to be. You can't tell who a thief is and who is being 'thiefed' cos everybody is now opening eye.

You stand on a queue with a well dressed man in tie. He mistakenly brushes your side while trying to adjust himself to fit properly on the line. You flare, you think he's trying to rob you.

'Oga wetin nah!'

He looks at you, he tries not to feel intimidated. He doesn't know what he has done but he reacts anyway.

'What's your problem?' He asks with his eyes wide open. In his mind, he says to himself, "People wee think ayam touching her bumbum nau, so lemme kuku react".

Lass-lass you eye him from head to toe and say to yourself 'mtcheeewww he doesn't know that I know he wants to steal from me. Ole!'

Then him "Mtcheeew, does she think am trying to steal from her, wahs even doing this one sef?"

And everybody minds their businesses. Situation back to normal.
It doesn't end there.

You stop to buy 'bendanselect' clothes from our Igbo brothers under the bridge, a lady of your own calibre comes and stands next to you. First of all you scan her from the side of your eyes, you pretend to be all serious trying to select the best clothes, but in the real sense, you are watching to see if she would by chance try to steal your purse.

Well, lemme shock you, the lady you're suspecting is suspecting you too.
You take your school shuttle, the driver insists on taking the fare before he moves. You murmur with other students. He stands his ground. You pay anyway.

Half way into the journey, the shuttle begins to cough, coughs like two to three times then runs to a halt. The students rains curses on the driver first, alights and begin to demand their fares back. Driver refuses, says you can all join hands to push it to the mechanic first before complaining. Oh lawd on top your money o!

But, while trying to get your money back from the driver, someone raises an alarm that his phone has just been stolen. Yes, one of you who was trying to collect his #40 got away with a phone of #25,000plus, cos everyone was opening eye for the driver and the other was busy opening pockets.

You're suspecting dubious Judas, but innocent Mary has taken what you think you're being protective of.

This is Nigeria, shine your eyes, but shine it in the right direction.