Writers Crib

She was startled when the line finally went dead. Her fore head formed lines of depression. Was that a joke? Could May possibly be trying to pull a fool’s day on her? It’s already 40days past April fool. “Judas can’t be pregnant! How is that possible? He has no… oh my Gad! I think I need to get to that hospital.” She stumbles over Cynthia’s assignment “Get out of the way!” “Hey watch it!” Cynthia fires back. The drive from home to the hospital seemed to take forever. Once or twice she had almost knocked down a bike man, in her third attempt; she did actually ran over the wares of market women who sold fresh tomatoes by the road side. She didn’t stop to say sorry; her mind was all ‘Judas’. “You go die young.” One of the distressed market women cursed as she threw the smashed tomatoes at her car. She visualized Judas in maternity gown, with a protruding tummy, him spitting and vomiting all over the place. “And how the hell is he gonna give birth...and breastfeed?” ...

"Hello Muna, it's me May..." "Hey May wassup?" "I have some disturbing news... Its Judas" "Yes, how is he doing now?" "You won't believe what it is I'm about to tell you." "Ow come on, could it be the typhod again?" "No. I'm afraid your boyfriend is pregnant." "What!"

Dear Adaobi,  I am highly flattered by how much you were able to describe me. If I didn't know you too well, I'd have said you're obsessed with me. You need not wonder why I have a black skin, red lips and white eyes cuz that's the way God made me. You talk about how I don't smell nice or sway my hips, well that's just me being me. I thought you to be intelligent enough to see why Obim dumped a pretty and posh girl like you for Fowora the dirty girl. Since you've been unable to figure it out, I'll just help you. And no! its not jazz. Obim wants to be with someone who is original, humble and listens to him. These three things are evidently missing in you. Most of all, I have a good heart and that's the zenith. I am no longer the dirty girl you know cuz Obim has upgraded me so there's no way back for you. All the best in finding and keeping your new man.  Light skinned Princess, this is my secret. Yours in superiority.  Fowora.

Dear Fowora,  Many times I wondered why you were black, why your lips were red and eyes white. I had watched you each day from the corners of my blue eyes, how you sipped red wine in dark glass, how you stick burger in water, you always wanna make me puke!  Adefowora, you are not pretty because you are black, you don't sway your hips left to right like Nneoma and I, your teeth are brown and your hair unkempt; you stink of waste gotten from fresh fish and ewedu. Bdut I wonder, yes I wonder, how you manage to snatch Obim from me. Obim! The very tall guy with curly hairs and pointed nose, who has the fairest skin of a thousand fairy, the one who's voice could melt a rock and who's touch sends goose pimples.  Fowora, tell me your secret! Should I paint my face and become as black as you? Or should I roll myself in moist full of 'shitty waste'.  Should I go to the blacksmith and request to be smeared with tribal lines; he could give me six, three to the left an...

Written by; Honor C. Osuji Amanda'... Her voice rolled from the kitchen like an erupting volcano. That was my grandma. For a start I paused, shoved my head towards the kitchen made of mud, held my breath to hear her silently curse me, lurked my eyes to and fro to see which way she would emerge from. But no, she didnt curse and I saw no reflection of her. 'That's one.' I counted. 'Two to go.' I placed the tenth palm kernel on the stone, tightened my grip on, and with full concentration I smashed!... the palm kernel laid in pieces... I had also smashed the nuts as well. 'Phew! What a waste!.' I had watched Ego and Nneka perform the same smashing, it was no big deal to them, at one hit, the kernel splits into halves and the nut is picked'full baked'... just place the kernel on a stone and smash! atleast, that was what I saw them do, so I kept smashing the palm kernel together with its nut. This was the tenth time, and not one nut had fo...

'See my blother lemme tell you the fact… there is nothing in this virrage! Me I’m reaving, am going to the townchip.’ ‘Maka why? Are you reaving me behind? Eh Emeka…' 'Austin, you don’t understand. The suffeling is to much eh! O di too much, boy I don tire… see Tobenna, he is making it big in the townchip. The rast time he came to this virrage, he was liding this veli bigi jeepu… nna if you see this jeep, it rook rike a rion!’ 'Eziokwu! He must be frowing in money o. Hey Tobe of yesterday now lides a jeep? Wonders has ended!' ‘Tobe that we use to steal yams flom Mazi Okwudili’s barn is now Chief C.E.O of electlonics department. Hia! Eziokwu ki kwuru, wonders has ended.' 'Chief C.E.O of electlonics department… ‘That is why am going to the townchip, there is money in the townchip. Nwanna, man must survive!’ 'Bia Emeka, what will you be doing in the townchip, oye ki ma?’ ‘Me shi onu dia! Lemain there, when Tobe went to the townchip, oye ko’o...

Written by; Honor Amaka O. 'Room 208'. The lady at the reception said to me. 'Just take the stairs, the last room at the end of the lobby.' 'Thanks!' I said, trying to produce the best smile I could barely afford. 'You're welcome' she replied me and went on with her work. My legs shook as I climbed the stairs, I couldn't still believe what it was I was about doing. I was choiceless, I had a family to fend for. I stared at the plate number pasted at the door. '208'. I muttered silently within myself. 'This must be the room'. I heaved endlessly. I couldn't count how many times I raised my hand to knock at the door. For the first time in my life, I was afraid of my own self! Finally I rapped few knocks at the door and took a deep breathe, exhaling almost immediately. 'Come in!' The voice beckoned from inside the room. My supposed uncle sat on the bed. He was bare to the waist. He held a glass of wine ...