Writers Crib

 I am sad, and unhappy, not many people know this.  My blog is like my safe haven, where i pour out my mind, because, not many people will see this, not many people come here too, and no, i do not promote it either, so, it's kinda safe. I've had rough edges, things i didn't completely heal from. Sometimes, I can't really say where the pain is from, why I unnecessarily slip into depression, my heart suddenly begins to race and heat up, getting tensed from the thought emanating from a lot of things. I'd hide myself under the duvet, sob silently then begin to wail when I'm sure there's no one around to hear me. People say it's okay to cry, no one said that crying doesn't really fix anything, it doesn't bring solution to the problems you are facing. I'm just here, trying to take each day as it comes, doing my best to achieve all i have set my mind to achieve, but the fact that I breakdown more often than normal worries me. I just want to rant ple...

 It's few weeks to my birthday, and I've got butterflies in my tummy. I know, I understand this feeling, it happens, at everytime my birthday came running. I remember I use to write stuff a day before my day, a recount of what the year had been for me, outlining my good and bad times, putting into words my beautiful moments and sometimes, just crying half way through... (Sneak peek: never keep a diary if all you record is your sad moments) Phew! The feeling of getting older is real, mixed feelings here and there, anxiety, sober reflections, and yunno, thinking about things I didn't get in the end. Today, I'm penning down my thoughts, I want to talk about a few things, how getting old feels to me, but again, I have tears tingling in my eyes, because, somehow, I have lost out on a lot of things, things I wish I had... Life just makes you feel unsatisfied, but I have learned to be contented, and bask in the euphoria that I can't have everything I wish for, not to sound...

Today I am sad, and it hurts so much to feel this way. I wish things were better, brighter and smoother. I know I haven't come here in a while to rant, it feels so different doing it now. A lot has happened since the last time, a lot has changed about me too, okay, I got better, that's good news huh? 🤗 2019 ended with a bang, I was super excited about all the things that came through for me. I made new friends at the NYSC camp, amongst them, I met three pharmacists, I call them 'the boys from Uyo' (one day, I'd write about them). I met Ebube too, a serial photo editor and a photographer, she was the lady next bunk, the lady who's now closer than a friend. I know one day we'd sit on a round table and talk about how our dreams came through. Away from the introduction, it's been four month into 2020. The year didn't start with so much joy as I had expected, I gave up on a relationship with someone I really loved, it pinched me, it left me absent ...

Everyday of my life I strive to be better, to do better and to improve from where I use to be to a step closer to where I really want to get to. Its a tiring process I must confess. Along the line, depression sets in , frustration and a whole lot of ugly looking scenarios raises its head. Phew. Living is a hard thing to do. Its been about four months since I ventured into a new career path, maybe one day, I'll write about it, my journey and the people I met in the process of becoming a tech woman. I haven't really achieved so much for a woman approaching her mid twenties 😂, its a worrisome age for me, you know, 25 and still very single. The pressure of getting married begins to sink deep, I really don't know what age 25 has to do with getting married 😣. The society I come from thinks 25 is the ripe age for marriage, well, I dunno. I remember saying I wanted to be married at 22, raise a family on time and retire at an early age with businesses and investments workin...

 When I tell people I am not a 'feminist', they go 'you can't be serious' on me 😂. I have a very small circle, my circle knows how much I try to work hard and try many other stuffs too. So with that, the 'she must be a feminist' becomes the line on everyone's lips. I. Am. Not. A. Feminist. I am first human before anything else, and I've grown into the understanding that I have a right to my choice, not yours or any others but mine, my own choice. Right to make my own decisions and live by them. I am a woman who will gun for everything that pleases her. How people see this as being a feministic nature is something I don't understand. I understand women have been put in places where they shouldn't be, that we have been placed below the belt, that our strength has been undermined and our lights dimmed because we are women. I also understand that the surrounding in which I am raised see's women as weaker vessels, that we shouldn...

Lately, this has been the trend, depression then suicide. The first time I wrote about depression, I didn't know what it meant to experience depression first hand. Okay, over the years, I've been worrying myself out, 2015 was one of such years, I was just worrying and not suffering from depression, but in 2018 February, I went through the very first hand experience of depression, so yes, I've been there and I can talk about it. When I first wrote about depression, I didn't think depression was enough reason for anyone to take his or her life (it still think its not though). But yeah, people go through a lot everyday, like every damn day! No, its not right to throw blames at them, no, it's not okay to become a judge and passing judgement like 'she shouldn't have killed herself, he shouldn't have jumped into the lagoon, yen yen yen!'. Social media has made it a point of duty for anyone with an access to the internet to become Lord and saviour ove...

This is for my friend Pharez 😢 I lost Pharez sometime between February and March. I didn't find out about his death till December. And when I found out he died, I couldn't fight back tears, where was I all through the months that passed by. What was I doing, did I stop caring or did I not care at all? Pharez and I shared four years of friendship. He always reached out to me, ALWAYS. Wanting to know how I was faring, if I was okay, if I needed help on something, he was everything a true friend should be. He cared so much his brother thought we had something going on between us, but no, we were just friends, just good friends. I got a nick name too, AdaPharez. The last time I lost contact with him, he had left the country to somewhere not too far away, can't remember the country now, so his lines weren't going through. When he came back, he reached out to me, told me he travelled and needed some alone time to fix things, I understood, we all need some alone time so...

There are times in my life I want to give up, yeah, the struggle to be better gets tiring at some point, but then, I try to keep up. Sometimes I miss being a child, when there was little or almost nothing to worry about, but then again, you know, being a child isn't forever, you have to grow into responsibilities, you have to grow to be responsible for something and or for someone, that's the trend. At 15, I thought I had my life figured out; graduate at 20, serve at 21, get a job at 22, start a family at 23. I had a dream, to live a simple and fulfilled life, without much troubles, no much struggles, a little hustle and live my life to please myself and give my family a happy life. But you know, you make a plan, and some times, the plan unplans itself like it has a mind of its own 😂. Have I given up yet? No. I still want that life, the only thing that's changed is just the age and timing, cos I am passed 23 and haven't even graduated 😒. Do I feel sorry at me...

So, recently, I heard 😕, I heard we should be careful of the yams we buy from the market cos they could actually be a real person who was turned into yam. 😒 Yeah right! (That should be a joke 😂). Dear 90's kids, gather around please. I can't be the only one who actually believed people turned into yams when they picked money from the ground. I for one only heard, I never really saw anyone turn into yam, I have never seen anyone disappear, these are stories that filtered into my ears as a kid. The news of people turning into 'what have you' happen to be in season in a time like this- the Christmas period. Well, I have gist for you, fresh from the fire childhood gist 😇. During Christmas period like this, mom always warned us to steer clear from picking whatever from the ground, she called it a trap, she fed us with stories of people turning to yam and people disappearing after picking things from the ground, but trust us, we had a counter fact. You want to kno...

The year is slowly coming to an end, its few days  to 2019 and we all will be going about our new year resolutions,  again! 😕 Its a regular for some, but not for me anymore. I stopped the resolution thing some years back, say about three-four years ago. You ask why?, I got tired, it became exhausting, became a tedious work, a project I almost never accomplished. I congratulate you all who make resolutions every year and actually stick to it, you guys are the real super man! 😇 Its a good thing to make a plan, you know make a list of the things you intend to achieve, a list of habits you want to stop, and so many other things you have piled up for you, its a good thing please. The problem I have with people who do resolution's are those who actually wait till the eve before the New year or wait till the new year day. My analysis has shown that 75% of people make new year resolutions only on habits they do not intend to take with them to the next year. Not resolutions ...

I have never been in a crossfire before, but the one time I was caught in the middle of a cross fire in Ladipo, that single event changed my life view. In 2016, I was still an  IT student on a one year industrial  training. Just four months into getting familiar with the area I witnessed what I would have on a good day seen on the TV as NEWS. I had just been transferred to the new branch my boss opened for business, my office had all the comfort: air condition, portable DVD player, roller seat, soft drinks stocked in the fridge, no serious work to get done at that time, take selfie here, take selfie there, then wait till 6pm and fo home. The mayhem started at about nine in the morning of that unfaithful day. I had resumed work like every other normal day, did the 'every every' and was settled to begin the days work. Oga Steve (our driver then) had come to park our boss's car at the lot in the building.   He popped in to say Hi, but later sat down on the customer ...

My first irredeemable heart break. I have learned, and that is why today I choose to share my story so that you too can learn from it and not be a victim. Oh well, many must have had similar experiences, so you're welcome to share your thoughts or you can just come and answer 'present' here and mark your name. It was my first year in school, four years ago. You know how it is with being a fresher, the whole 'giddiness of wanting to be super serious, giving no room for idle time, jumping from tutorial to tutorial searching for which is best, reading ahead of class and all that blablabla... Yes, I was that kind of person. It was worse I was a polytechnic undergraduate, worse still would be to graduate with a 'nothing to write home about' result. Fast forward to the day I sat behind Daniel in the exam hall. No, we didn't do any sort of 'formation' to enter, it just happened, and we were sitting for my most dreaded course, business maths. I re...

What I want for Christmas... I would have chosen a nice pair of blue shoes, or maybe a nice blue gown or better still, a nice white shirt on a plain smart skirt... #shrugs nice is nice. I would have chosen to be in the UK or Canada or kpatakpata our nearby Cotonou or even travel to my village sef for the festive celebration. Out of the country is still out of the country, my village inclusive. (Yes, anywhere that takes you outta Lagos is outta the country. Lagos is a country on it's own.) I would have chosen to have this very nice job, in one conducive looking environment, where AC wee just be blowing my life, with one kain better money and one small car laidat that I'll be using to cruise and snap pishure upandan. Who doesn't like better thing, I do biko. I would have chosen, chosen to be somewhere that isn't here, but I believe being alive is the greatest gift a human can be grateful for, so yay I'm happy to be ALIVE. #swingshands Its not like we don't wan...

My brother Chudy is a die hard Arsenal fan, like DIE HARD ARSENAL FAN!. If there's anybodys voice that'll be louder than a microphone during an Arsenal game, no mistakes, nah my brother be that. He was the only football freak in our house (well he still is), and we had only one TV set. When it was time for UCL or premier league, the TV was a no go area for the rest of my family, that is my mum, my dad, myself and baby sis go just respect ourselves allow my brother to watch football in peace. Me and my sister go just dey carry face upandan, wetin concern my mummy, sometimes she sits and watch the match too and only screams when the ball goes over the bar, yes, she supports both teams in a football match. That time, she be all weather. In due time, daddy got roped in, my brother roped him in and the rest became history. One down (my daddy), one sitting on the fence (my mum), two to go (baby sis and me). One day, I decided to sit and watch with them too, I was tired of car...

That part of everyone... (Emotions) In my humble opinion, I think everyone has a soft part in them. A part they do not want the world to know about (just because they feel it signifies weakness) a soft part that they are over protective of, cos somehow, someway, they try to hide their weakness from the world and put up a strong face like a Biafran fighter. Well, I do not blame such people, I do not blame myself either. I am an emotional person too, I hate to admit it, but its true, I react to everything, on another note things get to me easily, what you say to me, how you act,  I am quick to interpret anything and everything and give it a meaning of my own. Sometimes I get the whole package wrong and suffer for it. On the same pace, I do not hide my excitement, it just shows, I swing myself a lot when I'm happy, and sometimes I let out a scream, now that is joy unspeakable. When I'm happy, you might just get a free hug. (Winks) If I am annoyed with you, boy o boy, my fa...

I have a certificate in INTROVERCY I am an Introvert Yes I am an introvert, a full certified introvert, take that to the bank. To add to that, I have a very shy personality as an added (dis)advantage.  I rarely meet people, but when I do, they're always worth it. Give me a working internet, a full pack of Korean and Indian movies, and of course, 24/7 electricity and I don't mind staying indoors for months. For what its worth, I won't get bored. Again, take that to the bank. I was brought up this way, like the 'omo get inside ' kind of training. I grew up in a public compound, a house full of kids, but that didn't in anyway change my status. I associated well among my peers, I played a lot as a child, hay chineke! I playyyyyyyyyy, no be small play. I played catcha, I built house on the sand, I did mummy and daddy, police and thief, who's in the garden, suwe, ten-ten, I call on, I could skip for Africa, I was a good racer too and to add to it, I ...

So here we go, the continuation of where we stopped the last time: 2. On being 5.5" I get different reactions from people I haven't met when I tell them I am 5foot 5inches tall. To me, it is tall enough abeg! I cannot comman resemble iroko tree cos I'm trying so much to match your taste of tall girls, sorry o, but I think 5.5" is tall enough for a lady. Period! 3. The 'Wrikative' Chiamaka This is a new word I created myself, I hope it makes it to the dictionary soon. A wrikative is a person who expresses all talks, thoughts and actions in writing. This is the best way I can describe myself, I am a wrikative. I loved story books as a child. I read a lot of stories in my childhood, those stories made me, encouraged me and helped me develop my own storyline and ideas, I could swap an entire meal for a new story book. I developed this passion for stories way back in 2002. I was still in basic school then, I was a full time story lover. My classmates w...

23 is a big number for me, like, 10years ago was just like yesterday. Well, I think I am happy to be alive, thankful to God for the start of another year.  My name is Chiamaka Osuji, and I want to tell my story bit by bit. I still wish I was perfect, like the 100% kinda woman. I have this dream of being everything, every good thing you can think of. But you know what they say about life not giving you the dose of all the things you need. Oh well, sometimes you just need to carry your cross by yourself. Do you know my exam was cancelled? Like we just went to school for parade and back. Well, that's besides the case. I have in mind to make 23 posts before my birthday, but eeeeehhhhhh, I never know o, its gonna be pretty hard for me, you know exams et al. But I'll try sha. Today, I'll talk about at least one thing out of the the 23 things about me I put up in my previous post, I think I'll split them into various posts that'll come up later on. So here we go; 1....

Its a Monday Exam morning, I have yawned like five times already. I am still staring at the books scattered all over my carpet. 'Dear Lord, do not let my efforts be in vain' I pray under my breath. I am tired, so I close my eyes again but open them again within seconds, I still have six hours more to rest my bones before day breaks. I think of calling mom, but then I am scared she will think something is wrong for me to have called her this late, my mom is like that. I change my mind and roll in bed. My head still aches, and I think my eyes are still swollen too. It is tears and sleepless night that has made it this way. I think I worry a lot, I think I have piled up so much worry my age can carry, don't blame me, this is the world I found myself. (Well, lemme gist you, I just finished eating a plate of emergency jollof rice, these days I get hungry so easily, this my hunger issue is beginning to frighten me. I am fat enough biko!) I should graduate next year, hopef...

I have made few posts about my aunty Nkechi on Facebook, but today, I have decided to make it a series, so that you, and you, and you, can realize what a 'wonderful' person I have as an aunt. Aunty Nkechi is a distant family friend, she's closer to my mum but then I have no idea what connection they both have. I only took notice of her the day she spoilt business for me, my long term business that has been yielding good seeds. That day I died. Literally. I had this tactics I generated for myself to enjoy more benefits from my parents. It has always been a norm in our house, that any sick child gets a bottle of malt and a can of milk, the idea was a malt and milk mixture as a substitute for blood tonic before any treatment follows. I, myself, was the only child who saw this as a plant yielding fruit, an opportunity per se. My siblings didn't see this opportunity with me, I didn't tell them either, I didn't want anyone tapping into my pot of wisdom, I discover...